Student Teaching

In exactly three weeks I will be starting my student teaching. I am definitely nervous. I mean, this is what it has all come down to. This is the final deciding factor of whether or not I get to become a teacher. I am only a semester away from officially being a teacher. A real teacher. And yet I can't help but feel that I'm not ready yet, that I don't deserve it yet, that I don't know what I'm doing. Do they really think that I can handle a class of 26 first graders all by myself? Do I really think that I can handle that? I know that once I get in there and things get going that I will step up to the plate and get it done, and if I need help, that's what the real teacher is there for. But what about next year, when there isn't another teacher, when all of those little eyes are looking up at me expecting me to know what the heck is going on and have

it all planned out.

I may be in a bit of a panic right now and I know I'm not exactly thinking rationally. I can do this, and this student teaching experience is going to prepare me for when I have that class of my own. I just need to calm down and believe in myself.

I have to admit though, a part of  me still kind of feels like a fake. Like I can't really be a teacher, that's just something I think about doing sometimes. I love kids, I love being in the classroom, I love knowing that I am teaching them something new. But in the end,  I don't always believe in my ability to be a teacher. I have taken all of the courses, read all of the books, and done all of the observations, but translating that into actually teaching is a scary thing.

Behind all of this nervousness and self-doubt, I am still excited though. Like I said, I love being in the classroom.

The Obligatory Introductory Post

This will be a place for rambling, ranting, hoping, dreaming and expression. Though it isn't strictly a secret, I'm not going to share the link with friends and family. I wish to be completely honest in this one area of my life and that is most easily done if I don't know exactly who is reading this. I can only hope that this will be an outlet of emotion and creativity for me and can, in some way, act as a therapeutic agent at this time of change in my life. Whether there is any one else out there who can benefit from, or at the very least enjoy, what i have to say is not of great concern, but, of course, is a secret hope. We all want our thoughts and opinions to be heard. I don't expect any great reception of my thoughts or feelings, but in putting them here for the world to see I can only expect that someone will read them.

Anyways, it is very nearly a new year and therefore it is a time for new beginnings and to reconcile the past. Cheers to the new year and perhaps a new me.